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| Friendship Advice | |
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| Topic Started: Mar 2 2014, 07:05 PM (487 Views) | |
| Zelda588 | Mar 2 2014, 07:05 PM Post #1 |
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Hero of Time
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I don't really have many people to ask for advice, so I thought why not turn here. In the past, I have had great friendships fall apart. I currently am worried about another one falling apart. My friend and I used to talk a lot every day and now, due to our busy schedules, we hardly talk at all. Even when we do, we argue a lot. To some extent, I would get upset that when I would text or call them, they wouldn't have much to say or much time to talk to me. I felt as though they didn't want me or need me in their life as much as they used to let me be in their life. When I realized that I was being rather bitter and selfish, I have tried not to call or text as much to give them space and not be knocking at their door every second. To some extent, they get upset that I think logically before I do something. I mean, even though I may want to hang out with them a lot, I have to consider other priorities such as school, work, and finances too. Even though I care about them a lot, I don't get to see them much like everyone else when I'm away at school or wherever it may be. I don't want to lose another great friend, any advice? |
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http://s16.photobucket.com/albums/b47/Nathan96/Zelda.png http://i1204.photobucket.com/albums/bb412/LaserGuidedKarma/Images%20and%20shit/TRIFORCE.jpg Credit to TLS | |
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| BA | Mar 2 2014, 08:28 PM Post #2 |
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Administrator
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Perhaps your drive to be a "great" friend in the attempt to keep yourself as an important part of their life is too strong. Priorities change, especially if friends are torn asunder by career and other life choices. Maintaining contact is key if you want the friendship to remain relevant, but becoming burdensome by pressing yourself onto their life can be detrimental to the relationship. "Blame yourself first" is generally a good policy to follow when evaluating trouble in communication with another person. Relationships with people is often a balance of power and if the other person feels inferior or is being treated as an inferior then they will generally be more disagreeable and confrontational. Being too formal around them too can impress upon them a feeling of false superiority as well as make the relationship less authentic to the person(s) involved; creating time to meet with the person face to face demonstrates bit of humility and also shows that you value their company, as long as you're not there to be argumentative and judgmental and really "listen" to what the person has to say, they'll appreciate the gesture. Essentially, just be open, humble, and authentic. If your friend cuts communication or doesn't warm back up to you after making sincere attempts at being a better friend and saving the friendship then don't worry about it, you have around 6 billion other people to become friends with. |
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| Naggy | Mar 2 2014, 09:47 PM Post #3 |
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I don't think being the friend who cares more is anything to be ashamed of. You may just process things more deeply than others and that can actually make your interpersonal relationships stronger and more resilient. The blind spot there is when you are in an unhealthy relationship you may be more prone to blaming yourself when you actually haven't done anything wrong. Honestly from what I know about you, work and school are priorities and your real friends should be able to understand that and give you some space. If they are needy and selfish about the way you spend your time, you probably owe it to yourself to think about whether you want that kind of person in your life. As always, communication is key. Maybe the friend in question just needs to be made aware of how you feel about the situation. I firmly believe that the more we understand other people's perspectives the more empathetic we are able to be as a result, and in my experience empathy drives grace and commitment in any kind of interpersonal relationship. I don't know if any of this is helpful, but i hope you figure things out Steph. If you want to talk more in depth feel free to private message me or contact me outside of RM. |
| "Getting a BA will set you up for success." -Ancient Proverb | |
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| Zelda588 | Mar 2 2014, 10:35 PM Post #4 |
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Hero of Time
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Honestly that was some great advice guys, much appreciated. I think a root of our problems is that I like to push people to talk about a lot of things because I want to feel important in their life and get to know them better. Sometimes I don't realize that I am putting too much pressure on them to talk about stuff and to open up that they want to shut down as a result. Also, I think another issue is that I am used to an optimistic way of thinking that when on the rare instances that I get depressed, I know how to pull myself out of the rut with a little support from others. However, my friend is going through a hard time in their life and I suggest ways for them to see the light and I feel helpless when they can't figure out how to see the light. They just keep feeling depressed and I feel like talking to them is not doing any good, not getting through to them. Plus, after having a long talk with them, I feel that a little space would be good. Maybe it'll help clear up the arguing and allow me to not demand so much from them. Perhaps it will give me an opportunity to keep the talking more simple and allow them to open up when they want to. Only time will tell. |
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